If only I can turn back time, then I wouldnt make the mistake of leaving behind the most important Person that I need to be with to survive.



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I browsed through my old posts... And as usual, I came across the ones that I've been trying to avoid. My days in the church.

Every post mentioned God at least once.

If I could turn back time, and be in the same hall the same row of seats with Belle, Mike and Xav, I would cry non-stop and I will remember every second of it.

Back then, every post was happy, never sad. Even if there were sad incidents, I would end up smiling and ending the post with a Praise the Lord. If you read the posts in between, you'd see the huge difference. And you'd wonder, what happened?

My life was full in the church. Everyday I laughed to my heart's content, found joy even in working. God occupied my mind every second of every day. My silent conversation with God could take up an entire cupboard in those mere months. The best thing I ever did was to enter the church. The worst thing I did was to run away from it.

Every single thing that happened was a blessing, no matter whether it was good or bad. But now, everything seems to be a curse. I need to go back to church. I need to go back where I belong.

I just feel so empty. Like there's something missing. I used to get a lot of satisfaction and warmth silently talking in my mind and even when I'm alone, I feel like I'm surrounded by people and now its the opposite. Even when I'm with people I feel so painfully alone.

I keep gaming because that's it to my life. I've got no motivation for anything. I've lost so many things over just one silly mistake. I lost my best friend Belle, Mike, Xav, the cell group, Cat, Alvin, I even lost myself.

I'm stumped.